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I always dreamed of having a family. It was one of my hopes for the future when Dennis and I were engaged and newly married. And of course, my dreams were only about good, peaceful, happy times with children who loved and obeyed their parents. I was unprepared for the perpetual demands parenting would require of me. From 2 a.m. feedings, potty training, ear infections, nightmares, and coloring on the walls to braces, birthday parties, and driving lessons for teens, mothering is a full-time, 24/7 job with few vacations and a delayed payment plan.
我一直梦想着拥有一个家庭。这曾经是我跟Dennis订婚和新婚后最大的愿望。当然，我的梦想中只包含那些美好的，安逸的，快乐的时光，孩子们爱父母也孝顺父母。可是面对孩子们无休止的对关爱的渴求却让我有些措手不及。从凌晨两点开始的喂奶，如厕训练，手足口病，噩梦，从搞定墙上的涂鸦到带牙套，还有筹办生日派对，带孩子们学车，当妈是个24小时，每周七天的全职工作。当然，几乎没假期，也负债累累。
The problem mothers face is that, after a long day at this 24/7 job, we often feel stressed, exhausted, and simply not in the mood for romance. With so many modern conveniences that are supposed to save us time and make life more comfortable, how can we be so busy, so stressed, so fractured?
许多妈妈们正在面临的问题是，在24-7的工作之后，我们通常会感觉压力山大，筋疲力尽，根本没心情搞浪漫。我们拥有这么多高科技现代化的设备，理应为我们解决很多问题，可以帮助我们节省更多时间，充分舒服地享受生活，可是我们怎么会如此忙碌，如此压力山大，如此挫败？
“I am so tired”我好累啊
For most women, the pace of life presents the biggest deterrent to marital romance. Couples simply don’t have energy for intimacy. Sandra, a listener to FamilyLife Today?, understands that a hurried life has drained the romance from her marriage. She writes:对于大多数的女性来说，生活节奏过快成为夫妻之间享受浪漫的最大障碍。夫妻们通常已经没有精力再经营亲密感。FamilyLife Today 的一位听众Sandra，提到快速的生活节奏正在吸干她婚姻中的浪漫。她写到：
My husband and I continue to have problems in one main area of our marriage. You guessed it: sex. We have three preschoolers, and I am mentally and physically exhausted at bedtime. My husband thinks we are having problems in our marriage because we only have intercourse once a week or so. I try to explain about stress, exhaustion, etc., but all he sees is that I don’t desire him.
我和我的丈夫依然在某些方面存在问题。你猜到了：性生活。我们有三个学龄前宝宝，所以每次在睡前我无论是在精神上或是身体上都精疲力尽了。我丈夫觉得我们的生活出问题了，因为我们每周只有一到两次的性生活。我试着解释那些压力，疲惫等等，但是他看上去只是认为我不要他了。
Fatigue and stress are natural results of parenting children. Moms experience normal, everyday fatigue from just executing the duties of the household. Kids naturally fight and compete, complain and whine, spill milk and “forget” to do chores. They present challenges day after day for years and years. It’s a draining job. Exhausted mothers don’t make great lovers. Felicia, who took a FamilyLife online survey, confessed, “Getting sleep is almost always more important than sex to me.”
疲惫和压力成为养育子女的必然负担。妈妈们每天都在日常的家务中经历各种劳累。而孩子们会自然地打闹，争竞，抱怨，哭诉，泼洒牛奶，或是忘记整理自己的内务。他们每天都会挑战他们的妈妈日复一日，年复一年。那是件会榨干人的活儿。疲惫的妈妈们没有精力做一位好爱人。一位参与FamilyLife调查的妈妈Felicia分享到“对我来说，睡觉比性生活重要多了。”
Dennis often said he’d be a wealthy man if he had a dollar for every time he heard me say, “I am so tired.” And he’s right. I said it a lot because I felt depleted and bone weary during most of our parenting years.
Dennis说如果每次我在说“我好累啊！”的时候都能给他1块钱，那么，他已经成为一个百万富翁了。在育儿的那些年，我只是感觉到我浑身上下的骨架都快散了，所以我才会总那样说。
At the end of the day, all I wanted to do was fall into bed. Being intimate with my husband was not my greatest “felt” need. Frankly I craved sleep, not robust romance. The temptation was to believe that my needs were more important than Dennis’s—that my husband’s needs and the needs of our marriage could wait.
每当一天结束的时候，我只想摊在床上。和丈夫亲热那时并不是我最需要的。坦白讲，我需要睡眠，而不是奢侈的浪漫。试探是我认为我的需要比我丈夫的需要以及我们婚姻的需要更重要。
I also wanted to believe that tomorrow would be different or somehow better. I remember thinking, I won’t be this tired tomorrow night. It’s just because of all that happened today. I’m so tired that I’ll sleep great tonight and will feel refreshed tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll feel more like focusing on Dennis and our marriage. I didn’t want to neglect our romance. But my feelings overwhelmed me and threatened to rule my choices.
我同样认为明天会好些。我那时认为“明天我一定不会这么累。都是因为今天的事太多了。我太累了，不过我一定会睡的很好，所以明天我一定会精神百倍的。明天我一定会开始更加关注Dennis和我们的婚姻。我并不是想要忽略我们的浪漫。但我的感觉控制了我，并且威胁到了我的决定。”
Choosing priorities 优选顺序
Because I had already decided in the early years of our marriage to keep Dennis as top priority (after God), I refused to let the tenacious thief of fatigue win in our relationship. Many nights, Dennis graciously gave me a kiss and a hug, prayed with me, and said good night.
因为很多年前我已经下定决心在我们的婚姻中将Dennis作为我的第一优先选项（在上帝之后），我不会让“疲惫小贼”夺取我在婚姻中的主导。无数个夜晚，Dennis都和我一起，他会温柔的亲吻我，拥抱我，和我一起祷告，并说晚安。
On other nights, recognizing that my husband was carrying a lot of stress from work, or just knowing that we needed to reconnect in our marriage, I chose to deny the fatigue, set aside the stress, and give myself to him so that we might enjoy each other.
在某些时候，当我看到我的丈夫带着工作中的压力回到家时，或者当我看到我们的婚姻需要重新联结的时候，我会选择不看重我的疲惫，先放下我的压力，将我自己带给他，这样我们就可以享受彼此的陪伴。
Tips to rein in busyness 掌控忙乱的小技巧
Here are some practical tips for reining in a busy lifestyle:以下是一些可以掌控忙乱的实用小技巧
First, “be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). Start by stopping. Begin by listening. Take time to stop and pray and listen to God. And then spend time thinking and evaluating. Plan a date or two with your husband just to reevaluate your schedules, your romance, and your marriage.
首先，“你们要休息，要知道我是 神！”从暂停开始，从倾听开始。花些时间暂停一下去祷告，然后倾听神。接着，仔细思考和评估。筹划一两次与丈夫的约会，调整日程安排，经营你俩的浪漫和婚姻。
Second, decide what you value. God has made it abundantly clear in His Word what He values. Make a priority list by yourself and with your husband. What will you fight for, and what will both of you fight for? My friend Linda Dillow developed a list of “resolves” and reads them at least once a year. These would be good for every wife to adopt as her own:
其次，决定你的价值观。上帝已经在圣经中清楚的表明祂看重的是什么。可以和你的丈夫一起制定一个优先表。你要开始克服什么，你们要开始克服什么？我的朋友Linda Dillow发明了一套“磐石计划”并且一年至少读一遍。这些或许对很多妻子们有帮助：
· I resolve to keep my husband my second priority after God.
我决定把丈夫排在仅次于上帝的第一位。
· I resolve to not settle for mediocrity in my marriage.
我决定绝不让我的婚姻平庸。
· I resolve to look at life through [her husband’s] eyes.
我决定一定要从丈夫的角度看待生活。
· I resolve to grow as a sensuous lover.
我决定让自己变成一个温柔的爱人。
· I resolve to give rather than receive.
我决定多给予，而不是接受。
· I resolve to be faithful to my marriage vows, not only in word, but also in intent.
我决定坚守我的结婚誓言，不仅是在言语上，更是在意念中。
Third, set important guidelines for yourselves and your family. One of the hard choices Dennis and I made was to limit our children’s involvement in sports to one per child. Not one sport each season, but one all year. That sounds terribly confining and restrictive by today’s standards of eclectic choices and the accompanying pressure to achieve scholarship-level ability. But with six children we chose to value family time, family dinners, and evenings at home over a life of fast food on the run and evenings spent in the car. As poet Dorothy Parker said, “The best way to keep children home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere—and let the air out of the tires.”
第三，制定一些为你和你的家庭指导方针。我和Dennis做的最难的决定之一就是要减少每个孩子的体育活动降低到一种。并不是一个赛季一种运动，而是一年。那对于现在的折中选择方法来说局限太大以及奖学金制度要求的能力来说也会有很多压力。对于一个有六个孩子的家庭来说，我们选择了宝贵的家庭时间，家庭晚餐，还有在家里度过的夜晚。而不是奔波中的快餐式的生活，或者在车上度过的一个个夜晚。如诗人Dorothy Parker 所说：“将孩子留在家里的最好的方法是营造愉快的家庭氛围--摆脱疲倦”。
I must add that we relaxed these standards when our kids reached 16 and could drive themselves to some practices and games. But before they were in high school, we made sure we were the primary influencers in their lives. It was a value-driven decision.
我必须要强调的是，当孩子们到16岁可以自己驾车去参加训练和比赛时，我们放低了那些标准。但在他们进入高中之前，我们确定是他们的主要影响人。所以我们要做一些更有价值的决定。
Fourth, honestly evaluate your “need” for all the extra things in life. I know from my experience and my love for beautiful things how easy it is to be busy with fixing my house, getting things for my kids, finding the best bargain. It’s not wrong unless it leaves me stressed, exhausted, and unable to engage with my husband. It’s a question of the important versus the urgent.
第四，诚实地评估你生活中的其他“需要”。从我的经验和对于美丽事物的喜爱上，我很清楚布置你的房子，给孩子们添置东西，或者寻找那些打折品有多费时间。那会搞得我压力山大，筋疲力尽，没精力理会我的丈夫。在紧急和重要的事之间做决定是个难题。
Stress and exhaustion in parenting are normal. While you can’t eliminate them, they can be managed by evaluating your level of busyness and your lifestyle choices. Simplifying life is the best way to reduce these robbers of romance.
压力和疲惫在教养孩童的时候是正常的。当你不能消除他们的时候，你可以选择重新评估你的忙碌的等级和生活方式选择。简化你的生活是抵挡“浪漫盗贼”的最好方式。
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