The cliché phrase is not as simple as it sounds, because a boyfriend doesn’t necessarily have to choose God over us, or us over God. Harmony and balance is being made possible again through Christ, but we still have to deal with fractures in that restored harmony caused by sin. Therefore, the cliché can be helpful. It warns about the possibility of idolatry in our dating, as well as in our marriages.

这句老生常谈的话不像其听起来那么简单，因为一个男朋友未必只能选择爱神过于女朋友，或爱女朋友过于神。通过基督，和谐与平衡是可以达到的，只不过我们仍然需要处理在恢复过程中因罪而带来的创伤。因此，这句老生常谈之语是有益的，它警惕我们可能在约会和婚姻中出现的偶像。

Let’s be clear: your boyfriend should be really into you, and this does not automatically mean he is idolizing you. We don’t want to over-spiritualize Christian dating. I’ve heard romantic feelings and attraction dismissed as unimportant or unnecessary among Christians. Let’s be careful not to adopt a functionally gnostic or simplistic way of looking at romantic relationships, where the physical is evil and the spiritual is good. They are not opposing forces, but in fact joined together in the person of Christ. We follow the God-man, who is wholly physical and spiritual.

我们应该清楚：你的男朋友需要对你着迷，但这并不自动就意味着他要视你为偶像。我们不要把基督徒约会过于属灵化。我常有耳闻，在基督徒恋爱关系中忽视了浪漫的感觉和吸引力。我们要小心“肉身是邪恶的，灵性是良善的”这样的教派主义或过分简单的视角来看待浪漫关系。肉体和灵性不是相互对立的，道成肉身的基督已使两者结合在了一起。我们追随神人，他是全然肉身、全然灵性的。

It’s clear in Song of Songs that the man and the woman are enjoying the physical and spiritual dynamics in marriage, and that God delights in them both, as well. God wired us for romantic feelings and attraction, but there must also be biblical love present in the relationship (something very different from romantic feelings). We subject our feelings for one another to God and his word.

雅歌清楚地描述了男人女人享受婚姻中的肉体和灵性之乐，神也喜悦他们如此。神赋予我们浪漫的感情和吸引力，然而在关系之中也必须有神圣的爱（与浪漫截然不同）。我们要将对彼此的感情顺服于上帝和他的话语中。

So, don’t mistake your godly boyfriend’s natural desire for you as idol worship. But don’t immediately assume his affection for you is balanced, either. He should treat you like a prized princess, and he must also be giving his undivided heart and attention to the King of his life and lover of his soul.

所以，不要把你敬虔男友对你天然的欲望视为敬拜偶像，但也不要想当然地视他对你的感情是平衡的。他应该视你为宝贵的公主，然而也当将他完整、专注的心献给他生命的君王和他灵魂的爱人。

When I was dating my husband he was (and still is) a godly man, but looking back he sees ways that our relationship slowly replaced his relationship with God. As a single man he spent more of his free time in Bible reading and prayer, but when we started dating that time was much more often devoted to me. He recalls that when we were first married it became challenging to spend personal time with the Lord while I was around.

当初我和丈夫约会时，他是（现在也是）敬虔的人，然而回首看，他发现我们的关系慢慢取代了他与神的关系。他在单身时花更多的自由时间读圣经、祷告，然而当我们开始约会时，他更多地把时间给了我。他回想当我们初结婚时，有我在身旁，他几乎很难有与主独处时间。

He sees now how easy it was for him (somebody who values physical touch and presence) to replace his relationship with God with our relationship. The slow process of these small, seemingly innocent choices — long conversations, watching movies, hanging out more and more — turned into spiritual drifting.

我丈夫看到对他这样的人来说（重视身体的接触和同在），以我们的关系取代他与上帝的关系是如此容易。小小的、似乎无害的选择——长谈、看电影、越来越多的闲逛——慢慢地变成了灵性的转移。

Isn’t it easier and more natural for us to choose the seen over the unseen? But when we choose to prioritize and pursue the unseen, we start to experience more of the harmony and balance Adam and Eve once enjoyed together.

对我们来说选择看得见的，岂不是更容易更自然吗？然而当我们选择重视和寻求那位看不见的，我们会开始经历亚当和夏娃曾经享受过的甜蜜和平衡。

God still made Eve for Adam, even though Adam had God. This shows that the male/female relationship is important and beneficial. But since the fall, we have to be mindful of sin’s pitfalls — ways in which we exalt the gift above the Giver, the seen above the Unseen, the relationship above the Relationship. If you want your boyfriend to turn into a husband who loves you like Christ, make sure he is walking with Christ. How else can he love you like him?

即使亚当有神，神依然为亚当创造了夏娃。这说明男女之爱是重要的、有益的。然而自从人类堕落，我们要警惕罪的陷阱—视礼物高于赐礼物者，视看得见的高于看不见的，视与人的关系高于与神的关系。如果你想让男友转变为爱你如基督一般的丈夫，要确保他与基督同行。不然，他如何能够爱你如基督爱你一般呢？

The best way for your boyfriend to love you is to love Jesus.

让男友爱你最好的方法就是，让他爱耶稣。

整理：于姊妹